Tears in my eyes burns...

If you all know Bob Marley, you may know that those are lyrics from his song "Waiting in Vain." However, its not because of that song I am depressed, and for once, I am not waiting in vain for anything. Yesterday was the first day I was involved in the process of terminating an employee. And while this said employee and I were not close, it is still sad. This employee was a parent with personal family issues and the thought of being jobless adds to a long list of troubles. While there is no perfect time to let someone go, it just seems sad that their new year just started and BAM. Oh well...life goes and I'm sure things will work out OK for them. That person is highly intelligent and brilliant. Maybe the Society just wasn't a good fit for them. I guess this was practice for what's to come in the future.

Toodles!

Well, its been quite a ride...

So, 2010 is officially over and I am down one gall bladder and up three hospital stays (including most recent visit for my son's paritonsular abscess that kept is in the hospital through New Years Eve). Wow. Needless to say, 2010 was a year of "finding" myself. I finally accepted that my marriage did not work, and I closed that chapter of my life. I also figured out that if I want change to happen in my life, I need to get up off my a$$ and DO SOMETHING about it. Simple, huh? Well, in theory it is. But, I suffer from a little problem called low self-esteem. Hold the horns, I love myself, dearly. But, I sometimes feel that because my life didn't turn out as planned, that something is the matter with me, and that something is not good. I haven't quite figured out what the matter is though...

Sooooo, 2011 will be about me finding out exactly WHAT the hell is wrong with me and I'll try to fix it. I already have an uber fabulous girls trip to Indonesia planned for July, and my career seems to be going on the right path. Now, if I can get my income up to par and my health in a consistent steady state, then we can talk.

I hope you all had a wonderful new year!

By the way, to show just how serious I am about improving my self esteem...I purchased a book yesterday called, "The Women's Book of Confidence" ~Meditations for Strength and Inspiration~ By Sue Patton Thoele. Uh Huh.

Toodles!

Missing in Action

Well, its been a while, but trust me, there is a GOOD reason why I was missing.

It all started three weeks ago. I suddenly started getting these ridiculous pain attacks in my abdomen area. I went to the hospital on a thursday evening, they sent me home with pain killers. Friday morning, I got the attacks again. Went back to said hospital, they sent me home, again after a dose of morphine. Saturday morning, I had the worse attack yet...I couldn't even make it out of my room. Went back to the emergency room and they decided to keep me. Thank goodness. Turns out, I had a diseased gall bladder. First off, let me be honest and say I didn't fully understand what the gall bladder did at that time, except I wanted it OUT if it was causing me this much pain. So, for the next two days, I was on a NO FOOD DIET. Just kill me now. That is how bad it was. I could not eat anything other than ice chips. It was ridiculous. And its also important to know that a few years ago I started having panick attacks. So, not eating, and being stuck with needles for days on end, was not the ideal situation.

Finally, the Monday, they performed an endoscopy, just to rule out any other issues. One more day of not eating anything (there is a silver lining, I promise)...finally, I had my gall bladder removed via laprascopic surgery. It took a total of 25 min. and I have 4 tiny holes to prove that something was, indeed, done. I was FINALLY allowed to eat a pureed diet after the surgery. Oh joy! But hey, chicken noodle can taste like filet mignon after an experience like that. Anyways, my mom flew up from St. Croix and she was the first person I saw when I opened my eyes on Wednesday morning! I'm convinced she was the reason I recovered quickly. I was released that evening...and spent the following week under a lovely cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics. Worked like a charm.

Came back to work exactly a week ago and I have to say, being out of work for long periods of time is often more catastrophic that the REASON you had to be absent from work, but not this time. My coworkers were so understanding and they covered all of my projects, so that I won't have to play catch up upon my return. I love them. I really do. And, the silver lining is that I lost 8lbs...and considering the fact that the gall bladder was the part of the body that produced bile to process fatty foods...well, its safe to say I won't be eating much fatty foods anymore, and I intend to lose more weight :-)

I also thought about those persons who are unemployed with no health insurance and those who are employed with no paid sick leave or health insurance. I have to say I was comforted that I had paid sick leave and health insurance so that was not an extra worry on my mind. I am forever grateful for that. I couldn't fathom how I would pay for all of this (the hospital stay, procedure, prescriptions) if I did not have insurance...food for thought.

Toodles!

I'm not perfect...and neither are you.

So,

As a single mom, I worry a lot about how I'm not able to provide for my son the way I would if I were in a two parent household. I'm not necessarily speaking about finances either. But I would be able to have a little more time to spend with Zavy, if I was not the cook, the maid, the teacher, the coach, the tailor, etc. I do try my best, although my best may only be 3 home cooked meals a week sometimes, and more than 1 hour of TV one night a week. Hey, it happens sometimes.

So, you can imagine I was very pleased to hear some of the other moms at my jobs, weren't so perfect either. One mom confessed that during baseball season, her family eats out 6 out of 7 nights of the week. That's right...MacDonalds, California Pizza Kitchen, KFC, she does them ALL. Phew. I felt guilty allowing Zavy the 1x a week happy meal!

Then, another mom confessed that she was attending a parent conference meeting at her child's school because her child was failing 4 out of 5 classes. WOW! Now, Zavy is only in 1st grade, but he is doing above level in all of his subjects...so at least I am doing something right.

I think the lesson I learned here was that it doesn't matter whether you are in a two parent household or not, as long as you do the best you can. Regardless of the circumstances.

OMG...

I'm in so much pain. What kind of pain? Well, physical pain. My entire body is aching, but I do not think that I'm sick. I have to say that I have been working out in the gym and not really stretching as much as I should. Perhaps its residual gym pain. Uggh. However, its a great excuse for a visit to the Spa! Indeed. I have to tell you, I was never one to go to the Spa. Massages? Not my thing. Pedicures/Manicures? Local Salons with the Asians. Until, my mom gave me a Spa day after I had my son one Christmas, and OMG! I'm hooked. I had a full body massage and hot stone treatment! WOWZERS!!!! Amazing. Since then, I have been going at least 3 or 4 times a year, but I think I need to go more often, like 12 or 13 times. The last time I went I had a full body massage and reflexology (the latter is a little uncomfortable, but bearable).

OK...Sick son just started crying...gotta go. The blessings of motherhood.

Toodles.

Old Maid...

Well,

I have really turned into an Old Maid...I made plans to go out with my girlfriend tonight, however, I am home, again. I don't have my son as he is out of town visiting family with his dad. I got paid yesterday, so money is not an object this time. I just PREFER to actually stay home and watch movies that I have seen before (Step Mom, Where the Heart Is, Wedding Crashers). So, I take it, that yes...I am indeed an old maid. Just like Charlotte in Sex and The City. Except for, I'm 30 years old, so if I choose lifetime over socializing with friends now, imagine what I'll be doing when I am GASP, 35 years old!!!!


Toodles.

I think that...

There should be movie category titled Romantic Tragedies...think Romeo and Juliet, Legends of the Fall, and any other movie where the two lead characters who were in love, did not end up together. If my life were played out as a movie, it would be a Romantic Tragedy...thus far. I intend to change that. I've been thinking of what I want to do with my life lately and I know that I want to expand my family. Zavion shouldn't be an only child. Well, in my mind he shouldn't. And I come from a pretty large family, so...well, I guess I better get back out in the field huh?

To be continued...

Toodles.